I am in possession of the single most significant contribution to the health of my marriage.
The most powerful. Without exception. Nothing else even comes close.
This thing that I have can single handedly make or break my marriage.
It has the ability to create intimacy.
It has the ability to change the atmosphere.
It has the ability to usher in the spirit of peace.
It has the ability to prophesy and speak truth,
It has the ability to create legacy.
It has the ability to build my husband up into his God created destiny.
It has the ability to create joy and fun.
It also has the ability to sow seeds of discord.
It has the ability to pull down my husband.
It has the ability to humiliate.
It has the ability to create negativity.
It has the ability to spew sarcasm and envy.
It has the ability to tear my marriage apart.
I was reading James last night. James three to be exact. I asked Papa to speak to me in scripture and this is what he lead me to. Yeah I can take a hint.
Listen to this people:
“We out bits in horses mouths that they might obey us and we turn their whole bodies. Look also at ships, although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. Even so the tongue is a little member and boast great things.” – James 3:3
Oh the tongue. It can make or break you marriage beloved.
My husband excels at this. It is simply infuriating. Really.
It seems as though he has the ability to gauge everything he says. He never seems to speak emotional answers. He holds things in his heart and weighs them up with the Father. Because he is slow to speak and quick to listen his words are weighty. They are trustworthy. Most of the time they build me up. Other times he will speak painful truth, but with great love.
I am exactly the same…
This is in fact completely untrue. In fact I find myself lying in a article about the tongue. Nice one Chris.
I admit that this is an area that I absolutely without a doubt can definitely grow in. Oh my goodness I need to grow in this area so much that I often wonder if I am even born again. It seems that despite being a Christian most of my adult life I seem to gain some sort of carnal satisfaction by giving quick irritated answers whenever something Mark says or does provokes me to anger. He is so amazing, what could he do that could make you angry? Believe me when you are a hot headed little brown person, it doesn’t take much… or anything at all really.
In fact the very fact that there is nothing for me to get angry about can make me angry.
I have learned from the past that when talking when my emotions are heightened, never leads to anything Godly or Holy. Quite the opposite in fact. If I give in to these carnal emotions, all of a sudden, I seem to be dragging up every negative thing that Mark has ever said or done in our entire marriage plus more. All because I momentarily gave in to a moment of anger and irritability. Now I am headed for downward spiral of irrational emotion and spewing out the most ridiculous unproductive language. That takes a lot to come back from.
It used to be much worse when Mark would argue back. Now a days, he doesn’t indulge me. As it takes two to tangle, it doesn’t usually last for long.
I have learned over the last two years the importance of never speaking in an emotionally heightened state. I fight the urge to give myself the short lived carnal satisfaction of reacting in the moment and wait to distil my thoughts with the Holy Spirit. Afterwards, nine times out of ten, I don’t even need to bring anything up with Mark and I find that the issue was actually with me (huge surprise). If there is something to say after I have taken the time to distil my thoughts, I find that it is able to be delivered with so much more grace and power if I have sat with the Holy spirit and given it time to decipher exactly what it was that upset me. It never is what I originally thought.
What I am still struggling with though is short, sarcastic retorts.
Mark: “Should I stir the lentils Bub?”
Me: “No Mark you should let it bubble over and burn to the bottom of the pot.”
I know it is so unnecessary and ugly when I repeat it out loud, however I seem to do it all the time. It’s so gross.
My wise friend Todd Weatherly once said to me that there is such a danger in speaking sarcastically. It is not so much what is said, as much as the spirit of what is said. I would love to cull it from my life. Watch this space.
The other powerful thing about the tongue that I am learning is speaking out your partner’s destiny.
Being the closest person to Mark, there is no one in a greater position than me to see his destiny and call it out. To distil his dreams with him. To talk out the dreams on his heart. To pray and ask God to see my husbands destiny clearly so I can continually speak it over him and steer him in the right direction.
In the same way, there is no one in as great a position as me to pull him down. To be critical. To become too familiar with my husband that I am able to speak forth everyone else’s destiny except his.
It should be easy right? To be able to call out the destiny in our spouses. To be the wind of praise behind their backs. However I think that sometimes, it is the hardest to call out the destiny in those closest to us. I wonder if it is because there is a danger to get too familiar with each other as the smaller day to day mundane things serve as a distraction. The washing, the bills, the children, the dirty dishes, the day to day errands. All of these thing are all necessary, however they can blind us to seeing our spouses in that bigger picture and be able to call out their powerful destiny.
Even Blind Bart can see that my husband Mark has a massive calling on his life. He is clearly marked for greatness. Yet even I, at times have to guard against becoming too familiar with my husband to be able to see his destiny. I mean I’m the one with the man for crying out loud. Heaven forbid that I don’t use my tongue to build him up. To speak truth. To remind him of his calling. To encourage him when it gets exhausting. To provoke him if he becomes complacent. To speak words of wisdom. To see his future clearly when it gets hazy. To pray and ask Jesus for clarity for his future so I can continually build him up in the things I say.
Oh I have started to do this. It is so so powerful. SO powerful. Ask Mark.
I am like his little brown cheerleader.
His biggest fan. And he has gone from strength to strength because of it. It is not prideful for me to say that. I am not saying his success is dependant on my verbal encouragement. He also has to see it and step out in it. I am not, however ignorant to the incredible power I have to speak destiny and encouragement over Mark and the impact that makes in his life and his calling.
There it is. A little insight into what the Holy Spirit is teaching me. The power of the tongue. It has the ability to bring life and the power to bring death and destruction. And marriage is no exception.
The Little Things
Let me end with this. I have found that the battle is won in the little things. Those little conversations. Those little words of encouragement (Winning). The softly spoken answer (win). Those sarcastic retorts (massive loss). That retort said in annoyance and anger (massive massive loss). Those words of appreciation and gratitude (win). The decision to fight the urge to speak from anger and irritation and distil with the Holy Spirit first (Massive win! Like massive). It’s these little conversations that set habits which you have for life in your marriage. Moreover its these conversations that set the atmosphere in the household. This than gives way to the bigger more powerful conversations. These powerful conversations steer the course in your life and that of your partners.
Do not underestimate the power of the tongue in your marriage my beloveds.
SO here I am, properly convicted by the Holy Spirit, determined to use my tongue to steer my marriage into kindness, holiness, intimacy and promise.
Let’s do this together,
Your deeply loved and richly cherished.
The Healthy Hiccup