Friendship – Part 3 – Intentional, Not Exclusive


“Now when he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” – 1 Samuel 18:1


In writing this series on friendship, I have been reading this verse in 1 Samuel over and over. I have been reflecting on the love and deep connection that David and Jonathan had together. I have been asking the Father what true friendship means to Him. Does God intend for all of is to have deep friendships like David had with Jonathan?

I believe so. In fact, I am convinced we are.


Organic connection

When I read about and reflect on Jonathan and David’s relationship together one thing that stands out to me is that it seemed to happen naturally. I mean that neither of them had to strive to love each other. It seemed to be the most unlikely, yet organic connection.

Connections have to be organic. They cannot be conjured up. It cannot be contrived. Who has time for that!? It seems to me that heart connections happen organically. This is a great relief to me. Through life you will meet many people whom you admire, and respect. You will meet many that you will honour and serve. Then there will be those few times where you meet someone where you deeply connect.

It’s spontaneous. Its unexpected. And it is supernatural.

I have had rare occasions where I  just connect with someone and somehow they just get me and understand me. I have times where this has been in a very short space of time. I have had other times where it has happened slowly over years and perhaps months. Either way I have been filled with a deep love and connection. Where I feel understood and they are understood by me. Has anyone ever experienced this?

I have learned as I have got older how rare those true heartfelt deep connections are. I think upon reflection that these are the friendships that have been sowed there by the Father. He loves friendship. He loves to deeply connect hearts. But we have a choice. A choice to invest our hearts and our time. A choice to be transparent and vulnerable. A choice to love without reserve and without holding back. A choice to go deep.

Alternatively, we can choose not to.

In reflection on myself over the last ten years I have definitely had a handful of encounters where I have had deep instant connections. I could count them on one hand, however I have had them. I am not sure, however that I have truly bore my heart and let those people into my life in a way that would breed true vulnerability and real friendship. The way that Jonathan and David did.


Self preservation – an enemy of deep relationships

If I am to be completely honest one of the main things holding me back in the past was self-preservation. To truly let someone into my life and to know me inside out like only God and my husband does, is uncomfortable. Actually it is terrifying. To let someone see all my faults and imperfections, not just what I look like when I am fun and spiritual or professional at work, or on a Sunday on my best behaviour, makes me uneasy.

It takes immense trust in God’s capacity to keep you, to truly let others in, to see and know our imperfections yet not to define you by them

Most of all to continue to see us through the eyes of the spirit no matter how we fail. That takes courage. I am not sure I have ever learned how to do consistently do it. To truly let trusted ones in. Upon reflection I wonder if I ever really have. Or if I have only to an extent choosing the seemingly easier option of self-preservation instead. Can anyone relate?

What would happen if I let go of all self-preservation.  If I truly let someone in and learn to bare my soul to them. Not the entire congregation. Or even all my friends. But the one or two select people with whom I have had this organic connection. Could I let them in? Would they let me in. Would it lead to a deep profound love. Like the love of David and Jonathan. The love between my husband Mark and his best friend Dave. Could I have this too?

I wonder if it would change my life


A new Era

This year I want to try. I have sat with the Lord and I know there are key people in my life this year that I could trust my heart and soul with and whom I have a genuine connection. A connection which  I haven’t had to manufacture. They are wise and Godly and I already love them deeply. What would happen if I made a decision to throw all self preservation aside and bear my heart and soul to them and let them in.

While I don’t want to be exclusive, I do want to be intentional

I believe God put these friendships into my life and I want life-long friendships. I want to go miles deep with these people, not miles wide with everyone in a shallow way. Evidently it is necessary to choose these friendships wisely. For one cannot bare their heart to every friend. And one cannot build a connection so deep with every person in their life. To have this kind of relationship I am talking abou,t being intentional is a necessity.

Who is in your life?

Who has the Holy Spirit highlighted to you?

Who is on your radar, that with time and intention, you could share connection with in the future.

Perhaps you too could invest your heart and life to a whole new level in that person?

What if together, you and I cast off self-preservation and choose to go deep with those connections which we know are in your life for a greater reason than we are currently experiencing?

Let do it together beloveds.

I think it will change our lives. Forever.


Until next time,

You are deeply loved and richly cherished,


Christine Greenwood

The Healthy Hiccup

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