I remember a moment when I was in my early twenties. Mark and I had just gotten together, and it was a time in our lives where I was getting to know some of his friends.
The sexy blonde with hairless tanned long legs
On a particular night we met at his friend’s place right in the heart of the city. We were going out for drinks. His friend was a tall leggy blonde. She was in the latest fashionable gear, with a short expensive dress and sky high heels. Her hair was cut in the latest trend which suited her oval face and her heels showing off her legs which seemed to stretch to the heavens.
Her skin was tanned and perfect and she was loud and confident
I remember what I was wearing and the exact emotions that I felt in the apartment. I had bought a new shirt that day. At the time it seemed simple and stylish. Bonus was that it was only ten dollars which suited my Uni budget. It was purple and had sleeves and some buttons down the front. I wore it with a pair of non designer jeans which I had owned from grade nine. I’d thrown on some simple flats and run out the door.
Five Foot Nothing
Sitting in her apartment that night, I had never been more aware of my outfit, how short I was, and how round my face felt in that moment. Looking at his friends, sitting in that apartment in the city, I felt completely out of my depth. Comparing myself to the people around I felt insignificant and insecure. His friend was not only beautiful, tall, and trendy, she was confident and seemed to exude a smarts about the world and life which I just didn’t have. I felt like a 12 year old brown country bumpkin.
That was over a decade ago
My identity in Jesus
Over the last decade, I have undergone an awakening of my value in Christ. I have had this incredible revelation of His love for me as an individual. I have come to understand that He crafted every bit of me, exactly the way I am.
He created me five foot nothing with luscious skin, brown like a camel in the winter and dark brown like a bear in the summer (I tan).
He created me with a generous supply of hair, not only on my head, but my legs, underarms, upper lip and other places (Nothing that some trusty wax cannot fix). He created my personality exactly how I am. God loves that I see life through the lens of a childlike faith, which even a decade in the medical industry and years in a closed religious cult has not tainted. He loves that I cannot read a map, and social media for me is like navigating myself to the moon.
Not that I have been to the moon but I would presume it would be quite difficult
My Father celebrates everything he has created in me and on me. My Father’s destiny for my life is profound and unique. What’s more my destiny looks nothing like yours. No one can do what I can do as well as I can. Just like no one can do what you can do the way that you can.
I have learned to find my identity in Jesus and his deep unending love for me. Nothing else.
He created me physically just like I am and thinks I am flaming fantastic. He also created my skills, personality and emotions just the way they are. The dreams and destiny on my heart will complement this and heaven forbid I try to change them or compare them to others. I love the way he created me and I am going to celebrate every single bit of me.
Falling in love with me has helped me fall in love with you
This has been an ongoing journey. However, as I have understood this revelation more and more by understanding and experiencing the love of the Father over me, I have experienced something. A deep and overwhelming love for others. Especially other girls. It is profound.
You know what has happened since I have done this?
1. Celebrating the Physical Beauty in others.
I have stopped feeling so insecure and inward. I have ceased to compare myself to other girls. I am no longer intimidated by tall woman. By woman with figures like that look like they stepped off vogue. I love high cheekbones and piercing eyes. I love round faces. I love dark skin. I love the milky peaches and cream look. I appreciate every bit of beauty and style that I see all around. And now I celebrate and cherish every girl around me. I love to see girls rocking their own individual beauty.
2. Celebrating Individual Style
I love the Asian street wear with their modest apparel and their big glasses. No matter what they wear they always look effortlessly chic. Even the big cartoon t-shirt look is fantastic on them. If I wore that I would look like a ten year old.
I love the girls who dress up with heels and shiny dresses with perfectly ironed curls. Its glorious. Dimontees and pearls look amazing on the right person.
I love the bohemian look with the crochet singlets and billowing skirts. That beachy, I stepped out of bed and went surfing and somehow look like a model truly appeals to me. I love it. I don’t even mind a hairy armpit here and there. Gosh if your brave enough to rock that then go for it! (I can’t as it makes my ‘under arm alarm’ elevate to an unmanageable level that even my husband comments on. “Babe is that B.O?” Hot, I know)
3. Telling that supermodel she is super fly!
Seeing myself the way God sees me has enabled me to be free from comparison. It allows me to celebrate the physical beauty and style that surrounds me. For now I am free from comparing and feeling small in comparison. Now I love to go up to girls and complement them! You know something? I have found the most physically stunning girls, the ones who look like they belong off a magazine, you know the ones? I have found that these are the ones that seem to get the most touched. I remember one time telling one particularly tall, long legged beauty she was the most beautiful creature I had encountered that day and I celebrated her.
With tears in her eyes she told me no one had ever told her that before and thanked me so genuinely
Looking at her it was hard to imagine she needed to hear that. Or that it was the first time. Surely she would hear that from every person who met her? Apparently not. Perhaps like I was a not so long ago, her beauty awoke insecurity and judgement rather than admiration and inspiration from those around. Perhaps the more stunning girls are physically, the more subject they are to comparison and jealously. My beloveds let’s seek to love ourselves physically, so we can celebrate one another.
The other thing that I have recognised since I have found identity in my Father is that I have stopped comparing myself to others in what I do.
Comparison in all spheres of life
Having worked and trained for the last decade in the medical world as a doctor. I am no stranger to comparison in the workplace. In fact in some ways competition is encouraged for it seems to achieve better work outcomes.
What it generates however, is a cohort that chronically competes against each other in all areas of work, study and accolades
This breeds insecurity. No one celebrates or champions each other as they are too busy comparing and competing.
When I came out of working clinically and into the business world I saw comparison and competition just as strong in these areas. Moreover as I have delved into ministry and church, a place where you would think it had no place, I have seen it here, in some ways worse than ever.
Comparison is poison
This comparison of woman against each other is poison. It stems from a lack of identity in Jesus. It comes from a lack of revelation of His individual calling for us. It stops us from celebrating each other. If we are not free from it, our friend’s success becomes a painful reminder of our own lack of achievements, rather than an inspiration to also achieve our own destiny and dreams. Our celebration of them becomes hollow and insincere.
Free to Cheer on fellow leaders and colleagues
As I understand my own unique calling and identity more and more, my ability to cheer along others both in the business world and ministries becomes greater. As I understand that no one can do what I do, like I can, I cease trying to copy and compare myself to others who are succeeding. Instead I can let their success inspire me to continue on in a pursuit of the things God has put on my path. Meanwhile I can celebrate and exhort them to continue on in theirs!
Beloveds there is way too much insecurity and comparison going on
If someone’s success makes you feel insecure or critical may I ask you to examine your heart with the Father. What is making you feel this way? Is there a part of you that has not established your identity and worth from the Father’s opinion of you. Is it stopping you from celebrating the success of others.
Do you feel intimidated and small next to other girls? Does confidence and physical beauty in others enhance your own insecurity in how you look and feel about how you look and how you feel about your body?
If so, know that this has little to do with your shape or how you look and everything to do with the fact that you are not seeing yourself through the lens of the Father. He created you especially the way you are. Every nook and pore, every hair and every feature. Go to Him. Ask him to teach you how he sees you. Ask Him to teach you how to see yourself from his perspective. With His divine love. As you fall in love with yourself you will start to see and celebrate others. It will happen effortlessly and genuinely. It will not be fake or contrived. People will recognise it immediately and be drawn to you. Trust me. Comparison and insecurity can be smelled a mile away.
My prophesy for 2019
I see a company of woman rising up who find their identity from the Father.
I see a company of young woman who know who they are and how loved they are by their creator. This revelation of the Father’s love gives them freedom to walk free from comparison from each other. This revelation of our individual assignments that are vastly different from each other allows us to celebrate the success in one another. This allows us to let one another’s achievements inspire us to reach our own destinies etched into our own hearts.
I see a company of girls who no longer compare to one another in any way. For we celebrate and exhort the beauty, the creativity and the success that we see. Together we are better. Together we can infiltrate and destroy the culture of comparison and judgement. Instead let us bring a new spirit of identity in who we are and celebration of every person who surrounds us.
Beloved ones Don’t forget my latest E-Book “My Life as a Preacher wife.”
Also, it’s only a month away before my E-Book comes out on Marriage. I cannot wait to share this with you!
Until next time know that you are deeply loved and richly cherished,
The Healthy Hiccup