Has Your Partner Been Unfaithful?
There are many of you out there whose spouse has had, or is having an affair. Or, perhaps you have had one.
Perhaps you are caught up in shame, heartbreak and guilt and feel desperately alone.
Marriage and relationships are so intimate and deeply personal. When there is infidelity involved it will leave you feeling desperately alone not knowing who to turn to and who to approach. I have had multiple people contact me walking through a process of this nature.
Today I want to start a conversation. I know many of my readers have personally experienced this in their marriages. Many of you are working through this right now. Many of you have worked through this, have experienced the heartbreak of broken trust and the joy of miraculous restoration. While theories, steps and principles can be useful, what is the most beneficial is the power of testimony.
In the next few weeks I will be asking people to share their stories.
If this is you I want you to know today that you are not alone.
I want you to know that there no condemnation or shame with what you are going through. You are not a failure.
I want you to know that there is hope. There is healing. There is the joy of restoration available, no matter how dark the situation.
A testimony from Patrick at ‘Marriage Missions’:
I just want to put my testimony out there for the encouragement of others. My wife and I are in our late twenties and have been married for 1 and a half years. I found out 6 months ago that my wife had been having an affair with a co-worker for 6 months and the pain was unbearable. Obviously, the hurt was MASSIVE and I honestly felt like the walls of my life were caving in.
I suffered panic and anxiety attacks and my confidence levels went down to zero. I was a Christian but had distanced myself from God over the previous years but this experience put me straight back into his arms. I relied on God for my validation and put all my perspectives back into what he said and believed about me.
At the same time I chose to forgive my wife and we decided to give our marriage another shot. My wife was only half willing to work on our issues as she was also wrestling with feelings she had for this other man. As you can imagine, this was a hard scenario and to put it bluntly, my life just wasn’t fair. But I believed that while there was still hope, I would fight for my marriage. I surrounded myself with godly counsel (Our Pastor, my best friend and also a marriage counsellor) and I started working on things that I could contribute to making our marriage better. This wasn’t easy and there were days and weeks where I failed at it, and took my eyes off Jesus and let fear into my situation. But God pulled me out every time. Also, every situation where the emotions got to much, I realised that wherever my strength stopped, Gods begun, so I never fell short as God had me the whole time.
Over this last 6 months, my wife has been extremely irrational and said things that I know weren’t true but were just her feelings. I had to choose to believe that one day she would wake up and realise just how stupid all this was and that she had a great husband who was willing to go through hell to rescue their marriage. I can say after 6 months of hard work, my wife is in love with me, she is working hard on our marriage now and God is doing miracles.
It doesn’t mean its easy, but it’s worth it.
My advice to those going through an affair, is first of all find out what you mean to God. Once you realise His unconditional love for you is sufficient then your perspective changes. Also realise that your choices are more important than your feelings. Feelings come and go, but you have to choose to forgive and choose to love. Its a commitment too. Get your validation from who you are in Jesus and who you are as a person. Just because your partner chose to be unfaithful does not make you worthless, don’t even take it as rejection.
Also one more important thing, fight for your marriage. Even when you feel its unfair. While there is hope, you fight. I am 6 months into fighting for my marriage, and my wife has gone from seeing me as a weak emotional man, to a brave man who will fight for what he believes in.
Always keep your eyes on Jesus and you can’t go wrong. And even you do fall, even if you try do things in your own strength, even if it all falls into a piled heap and seems lost, God is there. He will never forsake you. Love you guys. And remember because of Jesus’ victory on the cross, you already are victorious, and you fight from a position of victory!
Patrick, from Australia as posted on Marriage missions.
In the coming weeks I would love to share some stories of those of you whose marriages have survived an affair.
If this is you and you have a story which can strengthen and encourage our tribe please comment below or you can write to me personally.
Let us lean to one another and talk about the things that really matter.
To reign in life is to be there for one another…
You are deeply loved and richly cherished.
Dr Christine Greenwood
Reign in life